Aunt Karens Moral « Result #1 on Mar 14, 2009, 6:59am »
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.
Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the f#ck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking"
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.
¡¡¡¡I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.
¡¡¡¡"It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.
¡¡¡¡"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.
Happy Gorrila « Result #3 on Mar 14, 2009, 6:59am »
It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a man and his wife are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing his normal jeans and a T-shirt.
The zoo is not very busy this morning.As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the woman, the gorilla goes ape. He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand (and 2 feet), he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thinks this is funny. He suggests that his wife teases the poor fellow some more. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom at him, and play along.
She does, and Mr. Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She does, and Mr. Gorilla is about to tear the bars down.
"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs and sort of fan it at him." he says. This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy and now he's doing flips.
Then the husband nabs his wife by the hair, rips open the door to the cage, slings her into the cage with the gorilla and slams the cage door shut. "Now, tell HIM you have a headache . . . "
A Man Who Said No « Result #4 on Mar 14, 2009, 6:59am »
A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.
¡¡¡¡Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"
¡¡¡¡At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"
Watching Me Go « Result #5 on Feb 27, 2009, 2:58am »
The crayoned picture shows a first-grade boy with shoebox arms, stovepipe legs and tears squirting like melon seeds.wow power leveling, The carefully printed caption reads, "I am so sad." It is my son Brendan's drawing-journal entry for September 19. Brendan cried his first day of school, dissolving at his classroom door like a human bouillon cube. wow power leveling,The classroom jiggled with small faces, wet-combed hair, white Nikes and new backpacks. Something furry scuttled around in a big wire cage. Garden flowers rested on Mrs. Phillips's desk. Mrs. Phillips has halo status at our school. She is a kind, soft-spoken master of the six-year-old mind. But even she could not coax Brendan to a seat. Most kids sat eagerly awaiting Dick and Jane and two plus two. Not my Brendan. His eyes streamed, his nose ran and he clung to me like a snail on a strawberry. I plucked him off and escaped. It wasn't that Brendan didn't like school. He was the kid at the preschool Christmas concert who knew everyone's part and who performed "Jingle Bells" with operatic passion. Brendan just didn't like being apart from me. wow power leveling,We'd had some good times, he and I, in those preschool years. We played at the pool. We skated on quiet morning ice. We sampled half the treat tray at weekly neighbourhood coffee parties. Our time together wasn't exactly material for a picture book, but it was time together. And time moves differently for a child. Now in Grade 1, Brendan was faced with five hours of wondering what I was doing with my day. wow gold,Brendan always came home for lunch, the only one of his class not to eat at his desk. But once home, fed and hugged, a far-away look of longing would crease his gentle brow--he wanted to go back to school to play! So I walked him back, waited with him until he spotted someone he knew, then left. He told me once that he watched me until he couldn't see me anymore, so I always walked fast and never looked back. One day when I took Brendan back after lunch, he spied a friend, kissed me goodbye, and scampered right off. I went, feeling pleased for him, celebrating his new independence, his entry into the first-grade social loop. And I felt pleased for myself, a sense of well-being and accomplishment that I, too, had entered the mystic circle of parents whose children separated easily.
Then--I don't know why--I glanced back. And there he was.wow gold, The playground buzzed all around him, kids everywhere, and he stood, his chin tucked close, his body held small, his face intent but not sad, blowing me kisses. So brave, so unashamed, so completely loving, Brendan was watching me go.
No book on mothering could have prepared me for that quick, raw glimpse into my child's soul. My mind leaped 15 years ahead to him packing boxes and his dog grown old and him saying, "Dry up, Mom. It's not like I'm leaving the country." In my mind I tore up the card every mother signs saying she'll let her child go when he's ready. I looked
at my Brendan, wow gold,his shirt tucked in, every button done up, his toes just turned in a bit, and I though, "OK, you're six for me forever. Just try to grow up, I dare you." With a smile I had to really dig for, I blew him a kiss, turned and walked away.
These Things I Wish for You « Result #6 on Feb 27, 2009, 2:58am »
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I¡¯d know better.
I¡¯d really like for them to know about hand-me-down clothes and home-made ice cream and leftover meatloaf. I really would.
My cherished grandson,wow power leveling I hope you learn humility by surviving failure and that you learn to be honest even when no one is looking.
I hope you learn to make your bed and mow the lawn and wash the car -- and I hope nobody gives you a brand-new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see a baby calf born, and you have a good friend to be with you if you ever have to put your old dog to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother.wow power leveling And it is all right to draw a line down the middle of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he¡¯s scared, I hope you¡¯ll let him.
And when you want to see a Disney movie and your kid brother wants to tag along, I hope you take him.
I hope you have to walk uphill with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
If you want a slingshot,wow power leveling I hope your father teaches you how to make one instead of buying one. I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books, and when you learn to use computers, you also learn how to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get razzed by friends when you have your first crush on a girl, and that when you talk back to your mother you learn what Ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain,wow gold burn your hand on the stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I hope you get sick when someone blows smoke in your face. I don¡¯t care if you try beer once, but I hope you won¡¯t like it.wow gold And if a friend offers you a joint or any drugs, I hope you are smart enough to realize that person is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your grandpa or go fishing with your uncle.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through a neighbor¡¯s window,wow gold and that she hugs you and kisses you when you give her a plaster of paris mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you -- tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness.
Mystical Island~ « Result #7 on Feb 22, 2009, 12:15am »
LIVE or DIE
Mystical Island V.2~
We have now transformed into a Master &&. Slave site and i think it will be more fun than having the alliances.
We have the same url and some of the same skins but the horse form has changed so have many of the boards and myself im more confident we will get more members with this change.
Hello there literate roleplayers. Are you tired of bland Light vs. Dark plots, equine RPGs that all seem the same, and plots that don't affect your character?
Well we've got a surprise for you. At The Secret it's not just about good and evil. In fact, good and evil don't have a lot to do with things. No matter whose side you're on, you can be as nice or as cruel as you see fit. But if you live in the north you'd better be tough if you want to stay alive. Here's a summary of what kinds of characters you can make:
Southern equines: The Resistance. You like freedom and would rather be left to your own devices. Conquering is not really your thing, you just want to be left alone to start a herd. Weakland equines: The Captives. You keep your head down and hope you don't get beaten up too often. You dream of escaping to the south, but know you'll be killed for trying. Mostly mares live here, though there is a small number of stallions. They usually get beaten down the most so they can't rebel. Northern equines: Tartarus's Legions. You work for the mastermind, Tartarus, the one who blew the news about the object of power out into the open. You answer to his captain Atlas, and you spend your time fighting, bullying mares in the Weaklands, and training colts for the army. If you have any spare time you can gather a small herd. Haven of Hesperides: The Secret Keepers. You know not hate nor greed, and you live within the walls of the Haven. You may leave to explore, but other equines seem so different to you. You live in peace and philosophy, seeking knowledge and enlightenment. But you know what is brewing, and the battle will come to your doorstep even though they cannot break down the door.
We are also accepting staff applications for Global Moderators, Graphics Designers and Skin Designer.
What's going on... ?
There was peace once, though by now it is but a distant memory in the minds of those old enough to remember. There was order and cohesion, and nothing to fear. The Keepers of Hesperides stayed within their walled Haven, and none disrupted their peace. There was always a rumor that an object of unspeakable power lay hidden within those great walls, but in time the rumor grew dull with age. But now a young stallion, maddened with greed, is gathering all the information he can about this mysterious object of celestial power. Flanked by the powerful drafts of the northern lands, he is murdering and taking prisoners left and right. There is only a handful of southern herds that stand against him, led by the mysterious Theseus. If they are vanquished, the Keepers will be on their own. Chaos and uncertainty abound. How much longer can the forces of reason hold off this madman?
The board is set, the pieces are in play. Whose side will you join?
Bahitsu is a horse RPG in dire need of members. Though, if you want to sign up for Bahitsu, you have to sign up for Artist's Block. But no problems there, I don't think.
If I had to rate Bahitsu, it'd probably be PG-13, for there is some graphic content, including forced breeding. But there are three bands of horses (Sanpuku, Mori, and Tani) living on a larger island. They rarely come in contact, but they do. There are also dogs (wolves) and deer people can RP. I do believe there's more information on my site.
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